Tamara

I know this is long and unusual for me. If you cannot read all of this post, please read the last paragraph which is the specific prayer request! Thanks and love to all!

About two years ago, I was introduced to a 21 year old girl, Tamara. Rusty introduced her to me. He use to work with Tamara at a camp that was for kids with Cystic Fibrosis, a disease of the lungs. Tamara lived with her grandparents and did not own a car. For several months, I got to know Tamara by taking her home from school. She would always talk about her amazing church and her wonderful friends at the church. She could talk about anything… I don’t remember many specifics of our conversations, but I fell in love with her sweet spirit and her desire to really understand and serve our God. She opened my eyes to the Pentecostal church and pierced my judgmental heart by helping me realize these Christians have a very sincere and deep love and knowledge of Christ. I was so thankful to have the chance to get to know her…for her opening my heart up to difference of opinions… and those differences being okay…as long as your focus is to serve Christ with all your heart and accept his amazing grace!

I thought that was the extent of mine and Tamara’s relationship. When she left school, I didn’t get to see her as much and I didn’t even get to go to her wedding cause I was on vacation. Little did I know she had much left to teach me. . (This entire journey is about being obedient to God… he blesses you beyond measure and he reveals himself to you if you only allow him to and obey when he calls you.)

The first of December I went with Rusty to visit Tamara in the hospital, she had been there for about a month…maybe a little more. So I was being obedient… I knew I needed to go see Tamara…I wanted to but I was scared and nervous. Before my first visit with her, I thought I was suppose to be there for her. We had a good little visit…it was really good to see her. After our visit I thought there was not much I could do for her, but I knew I could be an encouragement to Rusty.

Rusty knew she did not have much more time on this earth, he knew what was about to come…so it was very difficult for him to visit her without getting upset. I wanted to be there for Rusty (he is like her dad). So Rusty and I tried for the next few weeks to go to see her…but the timing never worked. Little did we know it was all HIS timing from the start.

On December 11^th, I went to visit Tamara by myself. Alone is a big deal for me…I hate carrying a conversation, I am horrible at it and uncomfortable doing it… Not a strength to say the least… I knew I would have to though, cause Tamara would be tried and not up for talking. I prayed asking God to bless my time with her, asking if I really needed to go, and for His Spirit to be with us . I overwhelming knew He wanted me to go. Was He ever there, somehow, Tamara and I visited for 4 hours. It was so wonderful. She had energy, she had a strong voice and she was fired up ready to talk. She could always talk but both of us were surprised when we realize how long she had talked : ) She talked about her strength…that it came directly from God and she could not have people feeling sorry for her and crying over her…cause it brought her down. She said that is when she could feel satan bringing her down and taking the fight out of her. So she told her family and friends to not come up if they were going to cry or to stay away if they couldn’t handle it.

She amazingly and whole-heartedly drew her strength from the Lord. I Corinthians 12 explains Tamara perfectly “my strength is made perfect in your weakness…for when you are weak then you are strong.” That verse was written to describe her! God is so good to give us His words to explain insane situations! Also, neh 8:10 “the joy of the LORD is your strength” she truly knew the JOY of our God! It kept her alive for several years! She told me the most amazing story I have ever heard… (only second to our story of sweet salvation : )

A few days before our visit she had been rushed to ICU because of a medication reaction… She said, “ I saw the light. I know everyone says that, but I SAW THE LIGHT. (repeating this at least 5 times). I don’t have words to describe this experience; words do not do it justice. I saw the light and I was going to the light. I knew God was with me and I was going toward Him. I could hear all the prayers going up for me. They were all around me. I was going to God! But I knew it was not supposed to happen this way. I screamed, in Jesus’ Name it is not my time, I cannot go yet, my family does not know You.. I have to make sure my family knows you. Over and over I screamed this in Jesus’ Name. Then I saw the light again and woke up. The nurse said I was yelling in Jesus’ Name when I woke up.

See before this experience Tamara had told the doctors that she wanted all extreme measures to be taken to save her life including incubation (sp?). Wow, God told her then to do all measures to save her life because he knew there would be a medication mistake that could kill her. She was not to die of medical complications, but of CF. She was to have an incredible experience to share with her family and friends in order to draw them (and who knows who else) nearer to Him!! He made himself completely REAL to Christians, non-believers and to straying Christians through her experience! Some point after this experience, she decided to not have all measures taken. WOW, we had an amazing visit, ending with a prayer together. I praised and still praise God for His perfect time in allowing Tamara to share part of her heart with me that evening.

The next time I went to visit her I begged God for another amazing visit. As I pulled in the parking lot, I knew the answer. This visit nor any of the others would be like the first. A few more times I visited Tamara…. The visits consisted of me sitting in the room silently praying for her as she literally struggled for each breath. She would always say it looks much worse than it really is, people cannot be sad for me, just pray, I just need prayers. I cherish that time now, I am so thankful to God for sharing His sweet daughter with me. One time when she felt okay, I told her she had to share the dying experience with her family. She said she had. Can you imagine telling your family that story, how incredibly hard that would be!! But she did… wow, what an obedient trooper.

The last night I spent with Tamara was her last night here on earth. She was in ICU on a BiPap (breathing mask, which she had been on for about a week) It was a hard night for Tamara and her husband, Jacob. (Side note, Jacob is amazing. He was Tamara’s angel her on earth. He spent EVERY night with her in the hospital. He would go to work and then was back with her. He would rub her back and do anything and exactly as she told him. He was exactly what she needed during her last months. They had only been married for 6 months. I will always been in awe at his strength, courage, patience, and love) About every hour, she would get uncomfortable ( I am sure comfortable is not the correct word, more like extreme pain, but to weak to voice it) she would want water or Sprite, or she would want to get up (which was not possible). The nurse would come in to her get a drink. We couldn’t take the mask off all the way cause she could not be without it for more than a few breaths. Anyway, it was bad. That morning the doctors said her carbon dioxide level in her blood was too high and increasing and she had a matter of days left. When her family arrived, I left…telling Tamara I would see her that evening. She nodded. Sweet thing knew exactly what was going on. She was with it, not every moment, but for the most part her awareness was very good.

I did get to see her again. Around 5pm I got a call that the family was considering taking her mask off. It ended up that Tamara went on her own without the family having to make that decision. So, I got to talk to her and then got to witness her go home. There was about 30 visitors for Tamara in the hall and waiting area and somehow ALL of us were in the room. And they were praying for her as she made her way up to our Lord! Just as she had experienced about two weeks earlier… only this time she wanted to stay!! and be suffering free!

Praise God for Tamara’s amazing life! Praise God for her trust and hope in His precious Son, Jesus! Praise God for Jesus who wants all to be saved and none to fail short of His glory!! Praise God for His grace so that we can have the assurance of being with Him in spite of our shortcomings! Thank you God for revealing yourself to me through the life and death of Tamara!!

(Prayer Request) However, i am convinced that the story of Tamara is not over! I am earnestly praying and beg everyone to pray for Tamara's family and friends. I do not know which of them are already Christians, i only know Tamara was concerned enough to beg God Almighty for more time on this earth (which for her was full of pain) so that she could make sure they came to Jesus! So please pray that her family and friends who do not know Christ would come in contact with a believer who has the courage to share Christ with them!! What a time for someone to ask them to church or say something, anything about Jesus. They are sure to listen!!

I cannot wait to get to heaven to visit with Tamara and all the others who came to Christ because of her amazing life!